Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. W. E. Channing
The most effective leaders cultivate skills that inspire a shared vision, that bring out the best in others, that align the human-side of business (organizational psychology) with delivering results, and bring teams together for optimal creativity. Exceptional leaders learn how to challenge the status quo, strive for a continuous improvement, engage others to commit and act for a greater goal, and these leaders model the way, they walk the talk. Optimal leadership includes embracing teamwork, while ensuring each individual is accountable; and knowing how to manage conflict.
Conflict is healthy (creative, collaborative efforts, exciting brainstorming and option generation). Conflict helps to identify the good and the bad, the benefits and the risks. Conflict is good….. until it’s not. Conflict can also be personal and emotional; it can be mean-spirited and irrational. Conflict can tear apart trust in relationships. But, when handled with skill and compassion, conflict can build trust and support ownership.
VOMP, a model created by Crosby Kerr Minno Consulting, is an easy, straight forward, solutions approach to conflict. Any leader who wants to improve skills can use this. Any individual within a team can learn this and facilitate exceptional results.
Why is Conflict of Value?
- Resides within us, and within our work (family) groups as a means to act, optimally, or at least become aware of a difference in values, beliefs or observations/interpretations
- Self-Awareness of triggers, values, fears
- Promotes healthy dialogue within personal, professional life
- Adds to creativity
Why is Conflict Resolution of Value?
- Allows a person to minimize escalation
- Incorporates methods of understanding and awareness that adds to credibility within group
- Impacts the trust of workgroups
- Reduces drama in workplace
- Holds individuals accountable for own thoughts, beliefs, actions and inactions
- Moves emotional conflict to cognitive conflict…. Takes the bite out of the more challenging emotions
EASY, EVERYDAY MODEL of CONFLICT RESOLUTION: VOMP (created by Crosby Kerr Minno)
- Vent – no training required; we all do this well. Goal for Role Model is to validate feelings
- Own – directing the complainant to find ownership in his/her actions, inactions, words that if handled, or when handled differently would have helped, not hindered situation
- Moccasins – directing the person to walk in other person’s shoes. Building compassion/understanding
- Plan – creating a plan in which the complainant can take action immediately or in future situations, and which holds this person accountable for actions, inactions, thoughts or focus
EMPOWERING and ACCOUNTABILITY QUESTIONS for Taking OWNERSHIP
- What part did I play in this conflict?
- How did I contribute to this situation?
- How did my words or actions add to this problem?
- What information could I have shared to reduce the severity of this situation?
- How did my inactivity or avoidance add fuel to the fire?
- When did I bring others into this problem instead of directly addressing the situation with the right person?
- How did my own beliefs or fears add to the conflict?
- Step back and take an honest look at this situation: is this a one-time issue or a pattern? What steps have you to taken to date, to help resolve/mitigate/support?
- Why is this so important to you?
- It seems like this has been a situation for a while, over the days/months/years, what have you tried to help resolve?
- At what time could you have taken action to help minimize the negative impact?
- How have your actions and words with others escalated the situation?
- Are you talking facts or opinions?
- How has that belief affected you? How has that belief changed your emotions around this topic?
- What might be your trigger or your button that caused this level of upset?
EMPOWERING and COMPASSION QUESTIONS for MOCCASINS
- If you were in ______ shoes, how might you think they view this (or would describe this)?
- How does the other person see this?
- What does this look like from the other person’s point of you?
- Why might he/she be angry or hurt?
- Why would this topic be so important to this person?
- What is it about this situation that makes it emotional?
- From his/her point of view, what facts were available?
- How is the other person impacted by the situation?
- What needs does the other person have to feel connected and in control?
- What would someone who had the completely opposite point of view from yours say about this situation?
- What’s another way to look at that?
- Why might the other person have said (or did) that?
- What might the other person be feeling about this situation?
- What might the other person be feeling about the dynamics of the relationship?
- If it were you, how would you want me to handle this?
- Why might you think he/she had such an emotionally reactive response?
EMPOWERING, ACCOUNTABILITY, ACTION QUESTIONS for PLANNING
- What do we know now to avoid this situation in the future?
- What options do you want to consider?
- What one step you can take now to help resolve this now and avoid it in the future?
- If something similar arises in the future, what are you committed to do to help solve it early?
- What are you committed to do to resolve future conflict with each other?
- What is the first step you believe you can take to move this forward positively?
- How are you going to improve the current state of this situation?
- What are best options for you to take?
- Are there others that you might need to talk to, to ensure the right people are aware of this?
- Are there others that you should stop talking with, because it is making the situation worse?
- What are you going to do to move this forward positively?
- If this situation comes up again, how will you handle it?
- How do you want to be held accountable for creating a harmonious, open, respective workplace?
Feel free to reach out to Dr. Patti Sullivan to learn more about VOMP training – 727.954.6542; www.tampacoaching.com; email@example.com